How to survive the death of a Loved One
When a loved one passes there is simply nothing anyone can
say or do to relieve the pain we feel from their absence. Even the words of Jesus Himself can sound
more like clichés than the Truth we should take comfort in. Priests and ministers, family and friends all
attempt to help us feel better and once in a while someone’s words may have an
immediate positive affect, but it’s usually temporary and we are left feeling
sad, alone and perhaps frightened, angry or both.
The grieving often wonders why their beloved was taken from
them. Comments such as “it’s always sad
when it happens to the good ones” are common.
Some people blame God and get angry with him. Others just withdraw into a state of
depression. And some feel compelled to
begin or join in an effort to help others who might be in a situation similar
to that which led to the death of their beloved.
While the grieving process must run its course, there are
some things to consider that might help you through one of the most difficult
times, if not the most difficult time, in your life.
Remember you are not alone. While you may feel terribly lonely, God,
Jesus and Mary are always by your side.
You may not be able to feel them through your despair, but just the
knowledge that they are there might offer some consolation. As difficult as it may be, try to pray and
ask for God’s help, Jesus’s comfort and Mary’s intervention, even if these
prayers are short.
There are also countless forums, blogs and other social
media outlets you can eventually join where you can network with those
experiencing similar emotions. Chatting
online will give you a sense of community as you connect with those who
understand what you are going through.
Reflect on how you made your loved one happy. Remind yourself how, while he or she was
alive, you showed your love to the departed and of the joy you brought
them. This will help you to realize that your loved one was happy during his or her life and that you are part
of the reason.
Most of us assume our loved ones are going to heaven and
perhaps they are. But there are
certainly some who worry about what is going to happen to the departed. Catholics
believe in Purgatory, a place where they are not yet with God. There, those who have died are preparing for
heaven because they are not yet ready to be in that perfect place. Whether or
not you believe in Purgatory you may be concerned about your loved one for any
number of reasons. Perhaps he or she did
not worship God. Maybe the deceased left
the world with mortal sin on his or her soul.
Believers, unbelievers, worshippers, non-worshippers and those who have
a chip on their shoulder about religion or are angry at God are all going to
pass. Here are a few things you might
want to think about if you are concerned about where the one you loved is,
especially if his or her soul was not in the best spiritual shape at the time
of their departure:
God is Just.
Even if your beloved was not particularly religious, God takes everything
into account. He will only hold us
accountable for what we can control and only God really knows what that
is.
God is Merciful.
There is not a single person that God does not want to have with
him. While God is just he is also
merciful. Because he knows every part of
us, he alone knows our strengths and weaknesses. If you believe in God’s tender mercy, your
heart will feel a bit lighter.
Trust in God.
Because Jesus died for us, it is obvious that death is a part of God’s
plan. We cannot be with him until we
die. Therefore, trust that the departing
of your loved one is part of God’s perfect plan.
Give it Time.
God is the ultimate healer and it seems that one of the tools he uses is
time. The suffering you do now, if
endured in the spirit of Christ, may be part of your penance. The saints certainly believed that to be
true, so much in fact that many of them sought out ways to suffer and gave
thanks for their suffering. Saint
Margaret of Scotland
Here are some things to consider depending on the type of
death your loved one suffered:
Sickness: Most
of us would rather die a quick, painless death than hang on for months or years
ill and dependent on others to care for us.
But if we endure our sickness in a Christ-like manner perhaps God will
accept our illness as part of our penance.
While God may or may not will us to become sick, he certainly uses it
for good. Countless people have gotten
closer to God during or after an illness.
If your loved one was terminally ill, part of God’s mercy may be that
your beloved will be with God sooner because of the suffering they endured on
earth.
Accidents: Fatal accidents are difficult because we don’t know they are coming. Having a police officer appear at your door and tell you a loved one has passed has to be a grueling experience. The fatal accident, in some ways, is the opposite of a terminal illness. While it is sad to think of an otherwise healthy person dying from an accident, it is also true that they are free of any further pain. They have also been blessed that they did not suffer the type of death most of us fear.
Early Deaths: Some theologians believe that God will not allow anyone to die an early death who would have eventually repented. If your loved one suffered an untimely death, God may have spared him or her from some terrible pain down the road. It is also true that regardless of how good a person is, they can always lose their way. If they are right with God at the time of their death, not only are they spared from further pain on earth, but they will not have the chance to turn away from God.
Murder: If he or she has been murdered God will take care of that in his time. The offender will have to go before God and answer to him for what they have done. No punishment on earth can match that. It is in your best interest to do all you can to eventually forgive the person who killed your beloved. God knows how to handle what happened. Leave it to Him.
Suicide: This has to be one of the most difficult situations to be in. Taking one’s own life is clearly against God’s law. But remember that God alone knows exactly what was in the heart of the beloved. God knows the soul of the departed. Trust that God is all loving, merciful and giving. He will always do what is just.
The idea that God can do anything leaves out an important exception and that exception is anything wrong or sinful. God can only do that which is good because he is perfect and that means his love is perfect. Tough times are often opportunities to get closer to God. Take that opportunity, hard as it may be at the time. Some of us naturally turn to God when we are grieving. But the death of a loved one is such a severe tragedy that some Christians cannot turn to God because they are too sad or too angry. Sadness and anger are not of God. These emotions are part of the human condition – a condition that God longs to share with us. Imagine that. The love of God is such that the Almighty wants to suffer with us and to help us through it
He will wipe away every tear…
Imagine your loved one in Heaven, seeing God, Jesus, Mary
and all the saints. Yes, you are left
here without him or her. But the very
image of your beloved more joyous than they ever could be on earth in the
company of God, Jesus, Mary, the Apostles, the angels and saints will lift your
heart. And remember, you will eventually
join them. Your time has not come. God still has plans for you. Try to focus on those plans and stay faithful
to God.
How will you live without them? One second, one moment, one day at a
time. There is nobody we need but
God. He alone is sufficient. God will provide for us if only we ask. This does not mean it will be easy, it means
it is possible. God made us to be strong
and courageous and you will eventually be okay.
Your beloved is in God’s hands completely. Put your life in God’s hands, too.
When a loved one dies they take a piece of us with them. So if your loved one is in Heaven, a little piece of you is also in Heaven. And that is a reason to rejoice.
